How to be (not) single

Hmmm...

Entering the 12th month of job world making me stress. I am almost hospitalized because of this stress. I admit there's a lot things come to my mind lately. Let me summarize it:
1. Why am I so dumb in this workplace (well, it's my opinion tho)
2. How can I love my job
3. How come I buy a house or even rent house when my expenditure is still exceed my savings
4. How about my grandpa if I rent a house or apartment while he's only got me now
5. How to be not single while I'm even scared of guys

For now, I will focus on the 5th problem. Yeah, from the television world, people like me should be destroyed (or at least try suicide) from being single for 22 years. And now, that's scared me.

I am a girl that is happy from being single until this time. I got my family and friends, so I think, I barely get lonely. Then, as I walk past through high school and college, I see women at my age start to get insecure if they didn't have boyfriends. Some friends even got married when I was still at college. At that time, there is side of me that want a boyfriend.

-Flashback about my crush at college-

As you know (or probably not), I had crush at college. It started at student/scholar orientation. I saw a skinny-tall boy, slightly looks like Park Chanyeol (or not) and he's called to the podium alongside others students who receive full tuition fee. Ah, that boy was smart also, huh? In no time, I adored him. But we hadn't seen each other until 3rd semester.

At my 3rd semester, my friend, Susi, introduced me to my crush. I just think we might be can hmm, you know, in the relationship. I and my Kpop friends called him Park D (read: pak/di). Park was from Chanyeol's first name and D was his initial.

But as my college life over, our relationship didn't go anywhere further. And all that connect us until today are heart/like button and comment button on Instagram. (  T^T)9

-End of flashback-

I want to be in relationship right now, but I am really sure that no man that I have feelings for. And I think there's no man who have their eyes on me too. I always have these things in my mind. Am I ugly? Do I look stupid? Do I look too arrogant? Or even too inferior? Am I too picky?

I do looks pretty somehow and it's not just my opinion, some people told me the same (even my crush, Park D ^^). Am I stupid? Let me think, for people who has final GPA of 3.88 of 4.00, am I look stupid? No no, that's a no-no, boy. Too arrogant or too inferior? Well, you judge. And for men's criteria, yes I am picky when I'm in high school. In high school, my criteria:
1. Has good looks like Korean boy band
2. Has voice like Kyuhyun
3. Should be rich
4. Should be smarter than me
And right now, my criteria:
1. Afraid of GOD (should be more religious than me)
2. Has voice like Kyuhyun
3. Diligent and hard-worker man
4. Family man
5. Well-established (not so rich, not penniless too)
Hmm, picky right? Maybe that's the problem.

I do have my alibi about giving that 5 criteria. It's because I'm looking for a guy to married. Not for playing feelings and then we broke up. I'm looking for a... SOULMATE.

So, I think I should get a boyfriend soon, or I'm not gonna survive in this peak season (for auditor, the peak season is between December-April), please pray for me... TT

Nah, I'm joking (or half-joking). I do let GOD to lead my way because I know GOD already prepare a good guy for me. GOD bless you and me!